It finally happened!
Our son, AJ, became legally adopted by my husband (his stepfather), Josh McLean! Josh and AJ emotionally adopted each other from the get-go, but our dream of the legal process completing finally took place August 24, 2015! We celebrated this life event at our place August 29, 2015.
It’s been a long road for AJ and me. We both left a very harmful and dangerous situation in Fall of 2011, it was an abusive circumstance that preexisted his conception and birth. I lived with my parents for about two years, and I did my best to get back on my feet from everything that had taken place. When I felt I was ready for a serious relationship to lead into marriage, I took my feelings before God in that matter. I wanted Him as close to that process as possible! God was faithful, and Josh came into our lives. After being married over a year and a half, we were able to celebrate this long-desired, family event.
However, healing came in phases throughout the single mom and newlywed years (still sort of newlyweds). I say this, because I know many of you are hurting today. Many of you make decisions based upon pain and desperation in your life. Many of you just want to bury your anger, helpless feelings, hurt, and shame. You desire meaning, value, and hope. So, it’s also a huge reason you debate abortion.
Adoption is such a precious gift! You may say, “Well, you chose to keep your child.” Yes, but in that story of ours, as a family, I want to share the message of hope and redemption from stepping out of a very poor situation. There was a hope and a future; a future that years earlier was NOT forseeable. Now, in light of the story of myself, aside from our family’s adoption excitement. I AM adopted. I was born into a poor situation in the Philippines by a single, teen mom. I was given to missionaries who knew my parents. It was through that connection that I became their own and raised in loving arms. Adoption. It’s more than an option. It’s more than an alternative. It’s a powerful and earth-moving life event! Pregnancy does not doom us. It’s a chance to overcome an obstacle, and raise legacy: a precious child. Or, you can gift another family with your precious baby. We can find real empowerment in that! Ladies, being a mom, working against judgment, and loving a child out of hard situations is real woman empowerment! You are strong! Don’t let others make you think you need to have an abortion to declare womanhood to rise from a circumstance. Don’t believe that your precious baby is a circumstance or situation who needs to be buried in order for you to have a future, be successful, or be anything the world makes you feel you “need to be.”
I am so grateful to be alive today! Though I have gone through some crazy trials and situations, I declare what privilege it’s been to live my life so far, do what I do, love those I love, and to raise my own sweet legacy of a child. His legacy? He’s not even five, and he’s already touched the lives of many. He sees and loves people where they are at; he goes the extra mile to make them feel special. He did that before he started talking. I wouldn’t trade his impact in other people’s lives. Each of us, has our own non-comparable value.
Women, don’t let fear overcome you. I may not understand everything, but I do understand a lot. Many of you are single and pregnant. You’ve contemplated abortion because you think, “No one will want us. No one will want ME! I have no hope!” You feel an abortion is the only way to get rid of the shame and start over. You feel desperate. You feel numb. You feel pain. You feel it will never end. I remember being in those shoes pre and post-pregnancy. Allow yourself time to heal. Healing will come in phases, so don’t become discouraged when you feel it’s a “three steps forward, two steps back,” process. Any man who won’t accept you with your precious child is either not ready for it, mature enough for it, or not the caregiver and husband either of you want and need. Many of you right now are just hurting. Don’t seek answers and joy in mankind. Before Josh, before marriage, and before adoption, I had to find joy and peace beyond my present circumstance, not IN my circumstance.
No matter what difficult trials come your way, or remain, don’t give up. Just as Josh stepped in to AJ’s life as a father, God has stepped into our lives. He’s not an estranged father. He’s the Father to the fatherless. He’s a loving dad, who adopts you as His own. But, it’s not about an overnight fix! I won’t sugarcoat it. There are struggles. There are lonely moments. There are downright depressing phases! I have been there. I still find myself there because life has its trials and battles we must face, but overtime I have learned to seek my Heavenly Father in those moments. I am nowhere near a perfect Christian, nor perfect mother, nor perfect wife, and I need my Heavenly Father to get me through my “hot mess” times. So, don’t envision a peaceful Robyn McLean kneeling at a church bench. Envision a freaking out, ugly-crying Robyn, shut in a closet, feeling at the end of her emotional wits. And then, in that moment, God loving on her through her unappealing and undignified emotions. That is the Dad who is there for YOU, desiring to adopt you into His arms. Whether you are ready for that relationship or not, He’s always waiting with open arms. Whether you decide to parent or not, adoption is a great gift to both you, your precious baby, and the awaiting family.
Special Note to Post-Abortive Mothers:
Everything I said, I also say to you. I love you, and I just want to hug you. You are more than your past circumstances, and you are more than your pain. You are valuable, and I hope others around you have treated you as such.
I randomly desire to sit and relax at a campfire with good company on a grey-skied day and a cool breeze. Don't forget the s'mores!